Just when it shifted, I’m not certain. But, I can tell you that years ago I never thought it would. I have always prided myself on being a strong and capable woman. I still am both of those things. But, now I ask for help when I need it.

Amazing really.

Yesterday in CostCo, facing the 50 pound bag of organic chicken feed that was on the bottom shelf, I thought to myself, “I can manage to get this into the bottom of my cart.” Then I spied a young fella a few feet away and found myself saying, “Hey, would you mind putting this into my cart for me?” Then in the parking lot, same scenario getting it into the car. There is always someone willing to help a silver-haired gal with a smile. Usually a guy happy to show his strength! And I am always just as happy to show my gratitude.

The screen that came out in the dormer window and needed climbing on the roof to put it back? No thanks. “Son, can you get the ladder and replace that screen, please?” The twelve trays of starts that need planting? “All family farm members, meet me at the start house at 4PM, we have work to do.” Even perhaps the simple things I am able to do, but just don’t want to—like replacing that door knob that has bugged me with its stickiness for months which I asked my son to do just yesterday. Almost every day now, I shamelessly ask for help.

I look back at the 38-year-old woman who came to Kauai with dreams and all the energy in the world. That gal with two little children and then a third born on the farm in the midst of the two-year project, who co-created a four-acre piece of paradise and two businesses from a four acre open field. I marvel at her spunk, her grit and her energy. Well, 30 years later, I still have the spunk and the grit, but I pace my energy now. I figure there is no reason to argue with reality. I don’t have the stamina I once did. And that 20 minute recharging nap early afternoon I relish a few times a week—I surely have earned it. That long beach walk, the hours reading—yup, earned it.

Sometimes the spunk meets stubborn and I muscle through something I should have waited for help with. But, this is a process, isn’t it?! And, it’s happening.

Then

Now