This has been a rough spring and summer for the Hawaiian island I call home, Kauai. And, subsequently, tough times for me.

Firstly we experienced epic rains and flooding in April. Almost 50 inches of rain fell in just 24 hours. I am not sure I can express what that kind of rain is like. Relentless. Wild. Frightening. Those are just a few words that come to mind. This caused phenomenal damage to communities. Bridges closed. Homes lost. Roads washed out. Still to this day, the road out to the beautiful rural communities of Wainiha and Haena is still closed to all but residents and will probably remain so for many months. Our farm is just now readying again to plant our market garden, which we sowed in long term cover crop to replenish the soil after losing inches of topsoil in the flooding.

Then just this week we were tortured by the Category 5 Hurricane Lane. We waited and watched and worried for perhaps five full days as it barreled through the Pacific and took a northern turn right up the western side of the Hawaiian Island chain, where it churned for days, never quite touching down on land, but always threatening. The hours and hours of suspense and the hype by the media both here and on the mainland was super stressful, particularly to those of us who have experienced the wrath of a full-fledged hurricane.

https://northcountryfarms.com/2018/04/19/ptsd/

Yesterday Hurricane Lane was broken up by our strong trade winds and is slowly moving westward, but not before packing a punch to the Big Island. We still expect heavy rains here this afternoon and evening.

I feel relieved. I feel grateful. I also feel exhausted and wrung out. That kind of anticipation is surely tough for me to handle.

While there is nothing we can do to control the weather, I do strive to be able to feel less vulnerable and frightened. Not quite sure how to achieve that though.  There were moments in these past days when I felt centered and calm. And other moments when I felt scared and shaky.  I am not clear how to increase the less stressful moments. But, it would be a fine thing for my frazzled psyche.